Friday, July 24, 2015

Thoughts on "Me Time"!!




Why are the first 2-3 years of growing up a baby most stressful for mums?
For "stay at home" mums, the entire day is about baby. When baby sleeps it's about house and everyday essential activities. In spite of doing that, the baby wakes up before even the hair could be combed. Some cooking needs to be done with baby on one side.
Socializing is missed. It is suffocating to not have intelligent talk entire day. Even going out would be to entertain the baby and not yourself. 100% dedication is needed. Maybe it's good in case of joint families, but they would have their own pros and cons. 

"Stay at home" mums suffer from under stimulation!

For " full time working mums", the day is about running around in the morning to get ready, pack things and spend time with baby, follow the work schedule of the day and get back home. Even before the quick visit to loo, the baby is in mum's hands. The baby would have missed mum so much that it would not be ready to leave her even for a minute. So the supposedly quality time, which would be 3-4 hours with the baby, would be spent without even washing face. 
If it was a hectic day at work then you may just hold the baby blankly. There will be guilt of not being able to enjoy the childhood or give attention. Or the days you do fine, there would be absolutely no time for your back or mind to rest.  

"Full time working" mums suffer from over stimulation!

What could make it better?
While every mum will try her best to cater to the babies needs in her own way, she forgets herself. She thinks it's OK and that the baby is first. It's fine, if you are still happy because the basic formula is:

Happy babies = Happy mums            [assign like 'C', but is true either ways ;) ]

If not, then you might need a dose of "Me time". With modernization, the need of "Me time" has increased, the scope to have it has decreased.

What is "Me time"?
For different people it would mean different things. But basic idea is to unwind and recharge. And for a mom this would be indulging in activities she loves to do without having to monitor and worry about the baby/kid. The activity could be reading a book, watching TV, listening to music, dancing, exercising, a walk in park, shopping etc.

How do I find that time?
Lately I have come to believe that one should live in the present. 
But for "Me Time", mommies you have to wait till the kid goes to school. No matter how much help you have, it would only be to accomplish day to day mundane activities which otherwise may not even be possible. So unless you are in a mode where day to day activities and the baby itself can rejuvenate you, "me time" is not achievable. 
The babies need your full attention till first few years of their life. You would have to compromise some other important time to make that ''me time". Sleeping even lesser, or not cooking a proper meal, or not cleaning house and so on. These will but just increase your stress and hence the fun will be lost.

At least now, we can truly appreciate the efforts put by our parents.

So is "Me time" a myth?
Nothing is impossible but in this case, it depends on circumstances. 

Simplest would be to get help from the baby's "daddy"!  For at least couple of years dads should also try to keep home as priority. Taking the baby for a walk would really help. An hour off in the house without the baby around is a treat for any mum. This may not be the case every time. Men could have more demanding job is demanding or different priorities. Relying on this could mean expectation mismatches, blame games and more fights and in the end dad's stress also increases.

Best would be to have a job which one loves doing (not just for the money). Then working would actually be beneficial for baby and mum. Mum is happy, baby is happy. Quality time matters as much as quantity time. 
I personally believe, part time job is the best for mums. 3-4 hours away, to socialize, do things you love and get paid for it, get to spend quality and quantity time with the baby. Even if the job pays for just the nanny's or day care fees, it should be alright at the moment.

For "stay at home" mums, leaving the baby in day care for couple of hours would be a good option. Stress levels would come down and you would be able to make the best of motherhood. It may not be possible depending on finance conditions. It could be good to get grandparents help also sometimes. Again, based on situation.

Find your way, don't worry too much about consequences since any way is as fine as the other. So choose what suits you best.

What if one does not find it?
If nothing seems to work, then just stop thinking about "Me time" and it's benefits.
In couple of years things will not be as bad. A hope of easier tomorrow, could help one  to keep going. Try to tick days in the calender. Have patience. There is a saying "This will pass too".
Moreover, everything in life are experiences and lessons. I learnt to value time only coz of my daughter. There was a learning for me in it. Each will find theirs.

It's awesome to have that time which is just "mee".
If not, for a while just be "mummyyyy". :)


https://pixabay.com/en/tropical-beach-swing-tree-branches-1149937/

No comments:

Post a Comment