Career Break

Motherhood brings one of the most toughest decisions in a working women's life. The taste of financial independence, good social circle and identity one has built up from years of hard work. It's not so easy to let it all go in one shot. Nor would it be easy to leave the darling baby, a piece of your heart for big part of the day. Somewhere, the charm of this gift reduces due to the burden of decision making and the  compromises that have to be made.

It took me a lot to conclude that I would join back to work. My dad's encouragement finally assured me to at least give it a try. But again now, when she is 3, I have my own reasons to discontinue. It took a lot to even go for this break (serving the notice period). Somewhere in midst of all the excessive thinking, I have decided to use thumb rules for parenting and for life which brought more clarity into my decision making.

• Plan for future. Don't overdo it due to fear.
• Never forget to live in the present.
• The only person you can definitely make happy is "You"! So go ahead and make yourself happy first. Do what it takes! It will not only improve your relations but also can reduce your expectations from others.
• Every choice is as good or as bad as the rest.
• After making a choice, there is a high chance that you may feel the other was better. Somewhere in the long run both will lead to the same destination. Also refer the above point, don't regret and relax.
• Quality time is more important in a relationship than it's quantity.
• Never take credit for the success of your children and never blame yourself for their failures. Give your love, best support and guidance knowing that you can't change destiny. Similarly don't have expectations from them.            "Karm kar, phal ki iccha math kar" - Bhagwad Gita.

Listed are some deciding factors for career or break and what I think about each one :

Health:
It is most important to be healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. See which choice can lead to a better health to you and the baby. 

Financial Stability :

It's a never ending target. Crisis is one thing and stability is another. Financial crisis is a need and need makes a person strong. Financial stability is a fear and fear makes a person weak. Know where to draw a line! 
If  this is the measure of success  for one and keeps them happy, then this could be a good reason to still continue working. If the spouses thoughts don't match then it is a slightly difficult situation. But you are the one who has to work and leave the baby for that period. Do what makes you happier.

Financial Independence :

The heading may sound same but it is slightly different. This is more about keeping our survival skills intact. I believe it's good to earn (or social work, any work outside house) to be able to sustain any crisis. It brings confidence and humbleness, both. This topic was added out of self interest and need not prevent one from going for a break. But ladies, do try to get back sometime with something!

Identity crisis :
Yes, it is good to be known as working than as a home-maker. But a home-makers job is the toughest. It's like social service without any recognition. It is an identity in itself. Try best not to get bogged down by what others think. If someone cannot respect you enough because you are homemaker, then they don't even deserve your attention anyway. Again let your happiness be the factor.

Boredom :
It is tough to stay 24 hours at home if you have been previously working. It is tough to work and manage baby if you are not able to re-energize yourself in some way. Unless of course the job itself rejuvenates you. Do consider this factor and see what rejuvenates you more.

Impact on baby:
Studies and researches say different things. But guess what! There still are loads and loads of things unexplained by science. Separation of baby and mum may not be ideal or natural but it's still fine. Everything in the world is evolving. And everything has it's pros and cons. See which path would be best for babies needs, your needs, and your relationship with baby. Sometimes staying at home 24 hours with the baby may be so stressful that the mum may go into depression or not cater to the babies needs. See which choice would help you to bring in that "quality time". Also understand that just by spending all the time and quality time also may not make the child most attached to you or more cleverer than they would have been otherwise. They have a nature of their own and their own choice.

Once I had a discussion with my colleagues who had working moms. I mentioned how it was a pleasure to find mum at home on returning from school. How I shared the stories of school and how I thought it helped to improve the bond. To my surprise, the ones with working mums said, "We would also do the same. We would just wait for her, near bus stop, and escort her home telling the stories on the way". So they too have similar memories. "But if she had holidays we would find it tougher since she would monitor everything too much. We would crib, 'Aiyoo! Neenu idiya mane alli?' ", they said. I never felt that about my mum, so they grow more independent but is it bad? I think, in all categories there are all kinds of people and no studies or researches would conclude so easily if they start looking at all angles and all factors.

Support for baby and mom :
This is one of the main reasons many quit.  If in the end, you strongly want to be and have to be working then there would be some way. I was not totally motivated and it was important to have grandparents around in my absence. I could trust them to take care of her better than I myself would. At the same time I appreciate people who are able to leave their baby with a nanny or in a day care. It is called, having faith! These people are truly courageous and optimistic. 
If you are are doing what you really want or if truly there is a need, things just fall into place. Just make sure you don't become jealous, possessive or insecure due to the care-giver. If yes, then you need to rethink your choice.

Joys of motherhood :
It is not something you experience only if you are around the baby all the time. Nor does missing some important milestones make your joy lesser. 
Don't look at what others are doing and get confused with others choices and opinions. Do the research, know your needs first! With right and clear decision, one would be able to enjoy and make most of motherhood any way. :)




Translations :
Aiyoo! Neenu idiya mane alli - On no! Even you are there at home?

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