Name of this Blog

"You know what your problem is? You are a perfectionist! You are not able to handle it, when you don't hit the target, right at bulls eye!". These were the lines my manager told me patiently, at the end of a super heated argument, which I lost in tears.

Later that night, looking at the dry, flaky skin which had not tasted moisturizer since an year, gazing at the ever increasing pile of unwashed clothes, recollecting how I skipped baby's vitamin doze that night since I was too tired, I wondered if I really was a perfectionist. Are they not the ones who are perfect? I was far from anything near perfection.

As I pondered on this subject, I realized that I do seek perfection in things that mean a lot to me. And on top of it, if I thought something should happen certain way and at a certain time, then it just had to, else I would get frustrated. "Mission Failed!". I would not mind leaving something incomplete because it did not go as per plan.
I think perfectionists are people who seek perfection and not perfect people. Perfectionist  also keep finding flaw in everything. It's because as they improve on things, they observe scope for more improvement. Everybody would be perfectionist in some or the other aspect in life. It's a worthy quality depending on how it is used.

The lines by my manager also opened my eyes to my problems. I had set my targets looking at success definitions around me, ignoring what I really wanted. I thought it was success to have financial stability, relationships with people of same wavelength, a routine and disciplined life without unknowns etc. As I would work on them, either I would not be able to meet them or the targets would move ahead as soon as they seemed easy. There was no end. My targets also depended highly on external factors and luck, not everything can be controlled. Nothing will ever be ideal unless you think that everything is ideal. But it is tough to be fooled into such a belief.

I had been stressed up for quite sometime, had even plunged into spiritual reading (in limited available time), but did not know what exactly was the cause of trouble.  Finally, on knowing the issue, direction became clear. Any strong quality in you, can either be your weakness or your strength depending on how you decide to use it. The so called "perfectionist" is here to stay, time to change the target.  Now on my goal would be "happiness and inner peace". If I fret on not achieving it, then I move further away. So in no case can I brood over regrets or disappointments since it is against my aim.  After almost 7 years, I finally found the courage to listen to my intuition. I made up my mind and resigned that night. Success will not be about following the general success trends anymore. My definition of success today, is being happy and doing what makes me so, without waiting for the ideal time or situation.

It is going to take practice and has to be built up in coming days and years but I already feel content. The name of this blog also reflects an aspect of the recent insight. 
At peace, knowing that nothing is flawless like I would like them to be. 
Yet close to my heart just like the imperfect me. 

P.S - ImperfectMom was already taken away, making the name slightly less perfect than I would have liked. ;):p