Why Planet Be?

My five year old is now learning solar system in her school. She knows all the planet names and their placement, spiral galaxy called milky way etc. But she has questions which I am sure she does not ask in her school. I must say my parents used to be amazed yet frustrated at my questions in childhood and termed it "Yaksha Prashna".  I see the karma cycle coming back to me. I have to frantically search for answers which I generally do not know and now understand my parents dilemma. At little above 2 years, she started questioning me about death on seeing a flower droop. She cried and grieved once she noticed the flower was decaying. That's when my journey of trying to give her explanations for things beyond my reach began.

One day she asked me, "Amma why are dogs and cats there? ". That's easy, I can get past this one I thought.  "Just like why sun is there, we are there, same way dogs and cats are there.", I said. She went silent, into her thinking mode. Some days later was a more difficult question. "Amma why are planets there and why is earth there?", she asked. I was at wits end and told her the truth, "We will never know why. We are like dust in front of solar system, milky way and other galaxies. We are too small to find out. All we can do is live this life as a gift that it is. Experience all that it offers and enjoy it." We just think they are kids but they can process much more than we will ever know. I knew she would not ask me the same again. Though later I felt, I could have told Big bang theory and given this answer on further questioning.

Today morning, I wake up to find the below picture in her drawing book. She drew this while I was busy with work yesterday. I called her to find out if it really was what I was thinking. She said, the kids are all sad because they do not know why planets are there. It's always lovely to see what kids innocent drawings and scribbles. I just love how these characters look so disappointed and sad because they would never know. It also one shows the inner quest of humans to want to know everything. The never ending quest to decipher the meaning of life and existence.

Amma Bo!

The clock ticked seven. I had stayed extra in the office by good 30 minutes. It was in the hope of finishing work, which was to be completed a week before. It was late but I ran to the restroom. It would be impossible to attend nature's call once home, at least till past nine. I came back and shut down the PC, while cursing the empty water bottle. Looked like I would  have to go thirsty for quiet a while.

I arrived home fearfully and to some extent repulsively. The door was already open. My in-laws were sitting on the floor in front of scattered toys and my daughter was on her grandma's lap. Each one of us had our own set of problems. Like always, I could sense the frustration and disappointment in the air. We adults choose silence and only body language gives away. Not so with the kids! My daughter who was nearly 3 year old looked at me, lowered her head, narrowed her eyes and said, "Amma Bo! Office Pola!". It means, "I do not want Mamma. Go back to Office!".

This had been a routine since a couple of months. Nothing I would do or say would break this habit.  Ignoring, I tried to step into the  house. She came running and tried to close the door to prevent me from entering. I said, "Ok I will go back!". I walked till the gate thinking that if I disappear for a while, she would call me. I waited for five minutes, but in vain. When I went back, she was waiting at the door, expecting me, ready to shoo me away. "Pola! Office pola!", she said angrily again.

I couldn't stand there forever so I held the door tightly, careful not to hurt her and entered.
"Amma Bo! Amma Bo!", she yelled. "Ok! Go to your grandparents then!", I said. I wished she would do that. I would have had no problem if actually she had been more attached to her grandparents and ignored me. But my life could not be that easy. She would remove her frustration on me for at least an hour before she would mellow down. We would then cuddle trying to make up for the lost moments while it would be nearly bedtime. Basically, the yelling was her way of showing me how much she missed me. Or at least I like to think so.

"Amma Bo!", she continued. I remembered my mom who went jumping "Bow bow bow!" on her "Bo's" and made her laugh. So I too used it, "Bow bow bow!", I jumped. There was no change in her  expression. She remained unforgiving and shouted again, "Amma Bo!".

Off late, nothing seemed to be working my way. Every aspect of my life, had problems which stressed me up and hence was also in the verge of resigning the job. I had a manager who genuinely tried to understand my problems so to extend more support. In one such discussions, I had mentioned about difficulties I was facing with my daughter in bonding and disciplining. He had given me couple of tips. He told me, he would just calmly say, "What you did is not good. I will not talk to you!" This always did the trick for him. I tried this one day on something. It worked, making me really happy. Next time when I tried it though, she kept on repeating, "Amma, don't talk to me!", with a sarcastic and amused face. She would poke me and repeat it with a smile like it were a very good joke,"Amma! Don't talk to me!". When I met my manager I told him how it failed. He said, "She is very clever and playing mind games with you! These kids observe us whole day and know us much better than we know them. That's the only work they have. Observation!". Today I decided to use his second suggestion. That is, to totally ignore.

So I started to my bedroom like nothing happened. Realising that she has to change her strategy, the little devil clung to my legs so it would be difficult for me to even move. "Amma Bo!", she went on even more adamantly. Without uttering a word, dragging her along, I reached my cupboard. I decided that perhaps I should clean my cupboard to continue ignoring and use the time. After a while, she left my leg and climbed over the bed yet uttering in intervals, "Amma Bo!". I started feeling confident that perhaps ignoring would work. I sat in front of the cupboard immersing myself into the cleaning job while she climbed the headboard storage/shelf of the bed. She had learnt climbing this and the window grills even before she learnt walking. So it was normal. From the corner of my eyes I saw her dangerously approaching the edge. I got alert and started standing up while she jumped from the headboard towards me shouting, "Amma Bo!".

All the throwball practise that I had ever had in school came into use. I swiftly got up towards her and caught her. Needless to say, I was in a state of panic and shock. Soon as I caught her, my legs gave away and I sat down with her, trying to calm my heart which was now beating super fast."Amma Bo!", she continued like her Olympian jump and my Herculean rescue operation never even happened.

I was defeated to such an extent, I had lost my power of thinking. "Ok! Tomorrow I will not come back from office. I will book a room and stay there after office. You can stay with your grandparents here.", I said.
"What is a room?", she asked.
 "It's where you will have a bed, a kitchen, a bathroom and everything needed to live", I said.
"AAAaaa! I will also come with you!!", she said. In that moment my heart and ego both swelled and I could hear music. "My daughter loves me! My daughter needs me!", I thought.
As if she sensed my happiness and relief, she continued, "...and  when you come back from office, I will say, AMMA BO!! "